As I sit here cradling another can of that fine Danish import, Carlsberg and slowly rocking back and forth asking 'Why, God, why do you hate us so?', What was Birmingham's finest, Emile 'Donkey' Heskey doing? After his last penalty attempt which actually ended up in the stratosphere and was picked up in a satellite image from space, why was the tattooed one taking the penalty?
Why did Steven Gerrard decide now, of all times, to make his worst pass of the season? But, for me, most pressing of all, why did everyone's favourite Swede decide to substitute Rooney, who had the French defence pooping in their pants, and replaced him with the aforementioned Heskey, who doesn't even inspire fear in a gerbil?
As always, we dare to think we may actually be able to finally do it and win the big one, and we do that most-antiquatedly English of things and snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
Oh, well, at least Switzerland and Croatia looked like 22 Heskeys in their unbelievably dull match.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to make a voodoo doll of Zinedine Zidane.
You can place the blame wherever you want; poor penalty from Beckham, stupid foul by Heskey, or terrible back-pass by Gerrard. Personally, I blame David James. Why didn't he stand on the far post for the free-kick? The wall is supposed to be covering his left-hand side, so he should stand on the right.
If the ball sails over the wall, then he can see it coming, if it goes round the wall, it will fall into his arms. Everyone says he's having his best ever season!
And he should never have tried to challenge Henry, that was sheer foolishness. He should have remained a couple of steps off his line and then he would have been in a great position to save the shot. There were some huge mistakes in that second half, but a good keeper would have covered for them.
Dear everyone in the world...why was Silvestre still on the pitch? And don't give me that crap that the same applies to David James - cos the game would've been completely different.
Even if the penalty was missed...
Why is he still on the pitch?
Why?
...Yeah, I probably feel as bad as everyone else after that, but let's try and take a step back and look at this rationally....no, sod it, France were just plain lucky - again. We've got nothing to be ashamed of - we took on the so-called best team in the world and were a few minutes away from beating them.
Sure they had a lot of possession and pressure, but despite that David James was largely untroubled for 90 minutes.
The turning point? Undoubtedly the failure of the referee to send off Silvestre - a mistake that he clearly acknowledged by failing to send off David James, who also should have walked. Two wrongs don't make a right, and quite how the referee failed to see that Silvestre was the last man is beyond me.
I'm not saying we would have definitely gone on to win the game if he'd shown Silvestre the red card, but I rather think we wouldn't have lost it.
It would be easy to point the finger at Beckham, Heskey or Gerrard, all of whom will want to forget tonight in a hurry, but Herr Merk should be the one who has an uneasy night's sleep.
I hope that England will wake up in the morning and feel proud, not downbeat, and if we show the same effort, determination and commitment for the remainder of the competition then we may just get a chance to put the record straight against the French.
Can someone PLEASE tell me why the f*** Sven brought on Heskey and Hargreaves? What a load of s***! To be up 1-0 against France and then bring on those two...blows my mind. If you wanted to control the midfield, bring on Butt. Rooney was running his socks off and then he brings on one of the biggest donkeys in history. Shameful.
Before the inevitable, yawnsome Heskey-baiting begins (my how we love a scapegoat), can I just say that France's win tonight was retribution for ninety minutes of tepid, negative football. You can defend your six-yard box for half a game with a sensible cushion; 1-0 against arguably the best team in the world is pretty much asking for it.
England's second half was as depressing as it was predictable. Two banks of four, hoof it forward, back it comes for another wave. When it works, great, but being a Birmingham fan I'd vouch that it does so more through good fortune than design - you can't legislate for one piece of brilliance or one critical error.
At international level where you have players like Zidane able to do anything at any given moment...it doesn't take much between the ears to work it out.
Speaking of little intelligence, Beckham revealed himself as the most limited of one-trick carthorses in a complete vacancy of a midfield display and should be stripped of penalty duty. He has been captain in name only for several games now and needs to find some form desperately.
I feel sorry for England, but there's nothing more unprofessional than a late collapse and nothing more this nation loves than to mourn its 'might have beens'.
Well what can I say? Unbelievable. Even as a lifelong Manchester City fan I have never witnessed a cock-up like that. What were ITV thinking hiring Bobby Robson as a co-commentator? Still he seemed to like Lesley King. And did I really hear Clive Tyldesley mention that Arsenal were making a substitution?
I won't be held responsible for my actions if he ever mentions 'that night in Lisbon'. Let's hope Greece win their group, and this could actually work out to our advantage. Now if only Beckham had scored that penalty...